For this weeks topic we have decided to voice our thoughts on parents in young adult books. It seems that I am constantly coming across absent parents or overbearing parents in the books that I read. Rarely do I find a happy medium is achieved by the author on the parental front, it is always either one extreme or the other and that ends up being a big complaint of mine when I finish up the book.
When I look back on the parental intervention in my life growing up I think it was a bit on the slack side. I was incredibly close with my mother and I would always creep into her room when I got home from wherever I was to talk to her about my night. It didn't matter what time it was that I came creeping in, she would wake up and we would talk for a bit, sometimes hours. I wasn't told what time I had to be home, I was expected to use my head and make sure that I was back at a decent time. I think the open door policy between my mother and I is really what kept me in line in my younger years. We would talk through things and she would straight up tell me when I was being an idiot.
I think that the freedom that I was given in my teens lead to me being pretty level headed. Sure I was a hot head when it came to boys and such but I never got myself into scary situations and was able to be pretty level headed. Now, because of this freedom that I had I can always understand when the parents aren't completely present in the kids life in books. But when I see that the communication is completely lacking I begin to have a problem with the relationship. I'm always bothered when I don't see the parents taking an active interest into where their child was or who they were with. I know you can't keep your teenager on a leash for their entire life but a good conversation can go a long way. A simple conversation between a parent and their kid can achieve so much in a book.
I am always a fan of a novel with a good family unit because I love reading about family dynamics. There are so many places the author can take the relationships of siblings and parent/child so I always like to see it explored. Now, I understand that not all families get along and there ARE parents out there who are absent in their child's life so seeing it here and there is definitely not a bad thing. But it just seems to me that more often than not the parents are absent in the books that I read. Maybe that is why I started venturing into MG a little more, it seems that age group focuses on the family unit a lot more.
So this is just my take on parents in YA and what I would like to see a bit more of. I understand that the parent/child relationship can get in the way of the progression of the plot in a lot of books but I think that the building of that relationship can really add to the development of the character. Character development is always first and foremost in the importance department on my checklist of what makes a good book so I think that adding layers there in any way you can is always a good thing.
What do you think about the parents in YA books? Would you like to see their relationships with their kids get a bit more development?
Also, don't forget that we are always looking for topic suggestions for future posts.
+JMJ+
ReplyDeleteThis is actually the same problem I have with Disney movies! =P It's true, as you point out, that if a child or teen is the main character, sometimes it's necessary for his development for parents to be out of the picture. And well, orphans have always had that allure. LOL! But, as you've also noticed, it's not always realistic--and I guess I'm not alone in thinking that it's also a bit lazy.
I can think of a couple of really popular YA novels whose plots would have been extra complicated if the parents had been more involved. More work for the author in that case, sure--but also better proof of his skill! And I daresay, more edifying for the reader in the end. =)
Anyway, you've got me thinking. I'm going to start looking for strong parents in YA published within the last ten years.
There are times when I have to stop myself from yelling 'Where are the parents?!' at some books. I don't think that every teenage character should necessarily have a very close relationship with their parents because, hey, that's not always the case in real life either, but when they are conspicuous in their absence I find it pretty unrealistic.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I didn't have the best relationship with my parents in my late teens, we always had dinner together, or at least had a conversation with my parents about WHY I wasn't there for dinner. In some books parents aren't even MENTIONED which really drives me batty.
More parental involvement I say :-D
The absence of parents is one thing that annoys me to no ends in YA books. I especially dislike it if the parent is mentioned once or twice, and seems to have no involvement in their teenagers' lives.
ReplyDeleteBut then there are the parents who annoy the hell out of me to. Have you read Sweet Evil? The mother in that one sends her teenage daughter on a road trip with the Son of Lust (or something like that) knowing very well that he is the Son of Lust! And the same woman is depicted as being this kind, overprotective mother.
I love family-oriented books. Those are actually my favorite. The teen doesn't need to have the best relationship with the parents, but some kind of relationship should be present.
Anyways, great post, Jenni!
I'm 100% with you, Jenni! (Btw, I love how you described your relationship with your Mom. I don't have such a close relationship with mine. Estonians in general aren't very opened about their emotions. I do get along with my Mom most of the time and I have had great parenting.) I think that if a parent is absent or isn't there parenting all the time, then it's easier to create issues for the MCs. Plus, it may depend on the author as well -- how was one's realtionship with one's parents etc. I have however read some books where parents are like totally crazy and wacko and make no sense at all -- e.g. Tijan's Broken and Screwed where parents lost their son, but still had their daughter. So they spend time with their lost son's best friend (who is a potential love interest to their daughter) and at one point at the end of the novel, they move across the country to go live near the best friend who has gone off to college and abandon their daughter. AND they leave a letter to her to say that they have left. WTF? That's just.. I have no words. I have more examples, but I have no time to write them. Anyhow, I do get where you're coming from and it kinda pisses me off. That maybe teenagers who read these kinda stories think that it's not quite normal, but it does set an example of sorts. So I think more great-family-relationship stories should be out there so that teenagers could get an example of what it SHOULD be like and if they don't have it, they can work towards it by copying their behaviour from the example set by a book. Does it make sense? LOL.
ReplyDeleteFabulous post hon!! I've noticed more of a parent presence in YA books lately, but unfortunately sometimes they would have been better left out with how awful they are!! I am doing a vlog for my post because I think there will be a lot of ranting from me lol!!
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the issues I have a lot of the times with YA books. These teens go through so much, drinking, drugs and sex and there is no parent around ever, to catch them and help them. I love when I come across a book that there are parents present in there somewhere. Great post!
ReplyDeleteThis isn't something that especially bothers me, but I get it. I guess it's just that it would be hard to have some of the situations occur if the parents were always present, aware, and the communication was awesome. I mean, I had good parents, but I could also get a lot by them. But sometimes it really is unbelievable how the parents act, or don't. And I get what another commenter said about the mom in Sweet Evil. I just tend to give a little more leeway in paranormal books b/c they're not based on reality anyway.
ReplyDeleteGreat discussion, Jenni! I'm aiming for a parent/child relationship like yours with your mom.
Ha! We grew up so alike it's funny! Parents in YA are a fail so many times. They're often either missing, on vacation, dead, assholes, or a bit too intense to even be real. BLAH
ReplyDeleteI completely agree! There are so many books set when the parents are conveniently on a long vacation or they just don't give a shit. Like you, my parents gave me quite a bit of freedom growing up, but only after I'd earned it by showing that I was smart enough to not get myself in trouble.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for all the pressure on my next read ;)
I think the more realistic Young Adult books feature the parents to some extent. I mean not every teen is sent away to Hogwarts, LOL :-)
ReplyDeleteI think there are about 10 YA book I’ve read that have both involved parents, maybe less. If one or both are not dead, then one is either absent or they are just not involved which is not that realistic and it drives me crazy. I think this is one of the reasons why I like NA so much. They don’t have to invent some ridiculous reason for the parents not being around because they are usually at a more independent stage in life (college). Great topic.
ReplyDeleteI often wonder about the same thing - where are the parents, or when they are present in the novels, why do they tend to be either abusive or overly protective? Teens sometimes see their parents through a tainted filter but I do believe parents play an important role regardless. Loved the topic :)
ReplyDeleteI agree Jenni! Most of the YA books I read have absent parents or are set in boarding schools were the only adult figures are teachers, it's definitely rare for me to read a YA book with a really involved family. Like you said, there are certainly absent parents out there in real life, but it's definitely a trend in YA books. Whenever I find a book with a great family dynamic, the entire review ends up being about them because I don't run into it that often!
ReplyDeleteAlthough it bugs me that too many parents in YA have conveniently died in a tragic accident before the start of the book, I think most teens don't want to read about parents in a book, whether the parents are good, bad or indifferent. I think most teens' biggest desire is to live on their own, make all their own decisions, and have to answer to no one. Because a book can present the mc as being independent, the reader can live that independence vicariously.
ReplyDeleteI am so over the dysfunctional family in YA. I'd love to read more solid family relationships - the ones that aren't completely awful and the ones that aren't completely helicopterish. I know they're out there!
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
I don't mind whether the parents are there or aren't as long as there's a reason behind it that justifies why they aren't around. If they're workaholics, okay, but I want a reason why they're like that -- they can't just be that way to be it. Maybe they're heartless narcissist. That's cool, I want see how the affects the MC. Maybe the parent's in for a promotion and has to work double time to get it, that makes sense. I just need a justifiable reason and I'd like to see it somehow affect the MC.
ReplyDeleteI really like sibling relationships being developed. I'm always far more attached to a story that has a strong sibling relationship that's developed well. It seems like a lot of MC's are only children.
I see Lexa's point too. I know when I was a teen, I fantasized about my mom not always being around (she worked from the house). I love her and we got along well-ish when I was a teen, but all my friends got two or three hours alone after they got home.
I find that absent or entirely oblivious parents are the norm more often than not. Unfortunately, I think you're entirely correct in commenting on the lack of balance when it comes to the typical portrayal of family dynamics, particularly within the young adult genre. The pendulum always seems to swing too far to one side or the other. As someone who had, and still has, a wonderful and close relationship with her parents, I can't help but wish this sort of dynamic was more commonly portrayed in fiction.
ReplyDeleteOne of the most recent examples of a parent/child dynamic that I did enjoy was in Robin Benway's Audrey, Wait!. Audrey's parents were involved in their daughter's life without being overbearing, and they allowed her to make her own decisions, even when they were not always ideal. They gave her the space to be herself and make her own choices while still being actively involved in her life.
I have been finding absent parents lately- not so much controlling ones that stalk their child (though that would be extremely creepy) Anywhoo, my favourite parent to teen connection still always links back to Unearthly. Definitely heart warming and genuine.
ReplyDeleteFantastic post, Jenni! <33
Oh I discussed this just a week or two ago in my review for Born of Illusion! I really does frustrate me too that parents are so absent in YA and even children's books. Coming from someone who had an absent father, I was very much in the minority growing up and it seems weird to me that authors consistently avoid giving their MC any parents at all. I was excited about that aspect of Born of Illusion because she had a mom who was around, and though she wasn't a perfect mom, their dynamic played heavily in the story. It seems crazy that just ONE parental presence felt so fresh to me >.<
ReplyDeleteFantastic discussion Jenni, I'm glad to see I'm not the only one bothered by this!
It's really different with everyone, because I don't have that kind of relationship with my mom LOL. I notice the parental situations in most books, whether they're actually there or not. Most books actually have them dead at the beginning of the books... I think Sarah Dessen's books actually have a pretty decent presence of the parents and I love that she always has problems within the family and also the romance as well :)
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